The Perils of Translation

1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose", into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea".

2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."

3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany. "Mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".

4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.

5. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were meant to read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

6. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate".

Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

News from Apple
Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women’s breasts implants.
The iBoob will cost between €499 and €599.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thanks to Apple, everyone is now happy.

NO SPEAKA DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.
"You foul mouth sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a just a tellin' my frienda how to spell
'Mississippi'".

Bet you're gonna read this again!!!

Best Wishes!

Walmart Employee: "Hello 'dis Walmarts, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."
Walmart Employee: "Whatchu want on the cake?"
Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne." And underneath that "We will miss you".

Sad but true...this actually happened.

Dear Abby

Letters Dear Abby admitted she was at a loss to answer.

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in, across from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a social worker. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
..............................................................
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, foul language, and violence on my VCR?
..............................................................
Dear Abby,
I'm with a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
..............................................................
Dear Abby,
I am a 23 year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
..............................................................
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
..............................................................
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
..............................................................
Dear Abby,
My 40 year old son has been paying a psychiatrist €50 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Don't you hate it when...

You've been standing in line at the supermarket for at least 10 minutes, you're up next and a cashier opens up a line. Inevitably, all the people in the line behind you run over to the new line and get served before you do.

You buy a new pair of shoes that fit perfectly in the shoe store but start to rub and cause blisters the moment you actually start wearing them.

What's worse than a cold toilet seat? A warm toilet seat. There's only one way short of magic it could have gotten warm. At first, you're almost thankful it's warm, then you get to thinking... this is the result of another person's ass-warmth.